When I Resent My Husband


A few months ago my husband came home from a late night meeting to find me on the couch, cookies in my lap, and weeping. 
Naturally he did what any smart man does and sat down with me in cautious silence.
After a few loud weeping moments I turned to him, with my ugly crying face, and said

"I resent you."

 He had been gone all day and then got to skip out on the bedtime madness to go to a fun gathering. So not only did he get a break all day - he got to enjoy himself at night! 

Naturally the crazy cycle in my head started spinning with evil thoughts towards him and turned myself into the victim of motherhood. 

 I resent the fact that he can leave a room and the world not fall apart.
I resent the fact that he can go to the bathroom alone, without little fingers under the door or screaming.
I resent the fact that he gets a "break" from life when he leaves to go to work.
I resent the fact that he can enjoy a meal without rushing, picking up thrown food, or oatmeal sneezed on him.
I resent the fact that he can sleep soundly throughout the night without subconsciously listening for cries.
I resent the fact that he can leave the house without packing up the entire world and fridge - just in case.
I resent the fact that his body is his own.

But most of all, I resent the fact that there is nothing I should resent him for.

 He is kind, patient, helpful, and hardworking. He does not deserve the wrath of my tired, crazy self. 
But yet he usually gets to see the ugly parts of me on a daily basis because of motherhood. 

 Studies have shown that it takes most women on average 3 years to "get used to" being a mom. I think we all go through a grieving process of who we were and what we thought we would be. Unfortunately those closest to us get to walk though the valleys of grief as we evolve into mothers. This is where my morning meetings with Jesus becomes vital to my mental health and peace in my daily mundane craziness. 

 I have no quotable answers to this resentment that builds - just an understanding. You are not alone in motherhood and your feelings of being a victim and missing out on the "fun" parts of life are valid. 

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