Wasting My Degree on Motherhood


In high school my teachers (!) thought I was wasting my intelligence going into the teaching field. I'm sure they would be even more upset that I am now a stay at home mom. 

Side note: I like to call it "work at home mom" because that sounds more accurate. 

 I've been struggling lately with my choice to leave the outside workforce. 
I love teaching. 
I love being able to partner with my husband in providing financially for our family. 
I love chopping down our debts in pursuit of financial freedom. 
But - I love my girl. 

 About once a month I start to feel the overwhelming need to look at potential jobs and dream about all the things we could do with my extra income. Then I think about the costs involved to my family and I stop dreaming. 

 But why can't I have it all?! Why can't I be super-wife, super-mom, and a super-teacher? 

 If you were to read the entries in my prayer journal from the past couple of months you would see how crazy the inside of my mind is and how back and forth I am with this decision on a daily basis. 

 To my nerdy husband's delight, I have been researching the effects of having a parent (specifically a mom) at home full time. The research is astonishing and completely confirms that me being home with Farryn is so much better for her long-term than our short-term gains of me returning to work. 

So what do I do with that nagging inside of me and that longing for another life? 
Why did I spend time and money earning degrees that I'm not using?  

Black and White Photo of Mother and Children


The answer: I don't know. Sorry...

 Something that has been helpful for me lately is to remember times that God did things in ways that I didn't understand but that in the end they turned out much better:
- Us not getting pregnant when we wanted to
- The crazy story of our first home and what a HUGE blessing it turned out to be
- Unexpected international guests at our wedding that ended up hearing the gospel 

 So many times I can look back and see God's hand in my circumstances. My responsibility now is learning how to partner with God in this season instead of sitting in self-pity and regret. The truth is God doesn't waste anything. He is brilliant in His ways and can find a way to use everything, if we let Him. 

 When life causes your bananas to stay on the counter and start to look dead - they are really getting extra sweet, so make some banana bread! 😉

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