The Greenhouse: Thoughts from the Upper Womb

I am not good at sitting down. I struggle with feeling the need to be productive at all times or else my worth might be undermined. I have a constant need to be three steps ahead and completely prepared for what is next.

So here I am, sitting in hospital bed, in a room I’ve been living in for 2 weeks. I have felt the sun once since being here. The most productive thing I have done while living here is getting our taxes done – because I love all things spreadsheets 🙂

When I found out three weeks ago that I would be living in the hospital until our sweet Waverleigh arrived, I was devastated. I didn’t have my lesson plans all prepared, her room wasn’t ready, and I didn’t feel like I had had enough special times with Farryn yet before a new family member entered our home.

The first day I checked in I didn’t get to tell Phillip and Farryn goodbye because they rushed them out of the room. Farryn had just tested positive for the flu. My sweet baby and precious husband were on their own. I was on my own.

The nurses immediately started putting in an IV in, taking blood, vital signs, telling me all the risks, etc. At this point I couldn’t stop crying. My sweet baby was super sick and now her mommy wasn’t with her. My sweet husband was not only worried about his wife but now had a very very sick toddler that he was solely responsible for. One of the hardest weeks of our lives.

In the midst of all of this, my weapon was thankfulness. Did I want to live in the hospital until our sweet girl arrived? Absolutely not. But the amazing thing is – they found this problem before it was too late. 

At first when they looked at my ultrasound at 16 weeks – they just thought it was a placenta previa. That would still warrant a c-section but was very likely to move. We prayed and it moved. But at the next ultrasound they saw underneath where the placenta had been there were major blood vessels laying unprotected and Waverleigh’s head right on them. This is a super rare occurrence and life threatening to the baby.  

With the placenta previa – they could have let me go closer to my due date and just do a regular c-section. If that placenta previa hadn’t moved, they would have never seen the vasa previa underneath. I could have gone in for my c-section and delivered a still born baby. God’s protection and faithfulness were seen in the midst of this situation.

Living in a hospital and under very strict orders can make you feel like you don’t have any control over anything going on. I knew I was living here to keep Waverleigh safe, but I also wanted to know what my assignment was in this room.

Over the last couple of weeks I have had the great privilege of praying for nurses who are in desperate need of God to move. I have developed a relationship with the precious lady that cleans my room every day and have prayed for her lupus to stay in remission. Everyone who comes into my room has made remarks about the peacefulness they feel and that has been my prayer – that peace would surround Waverleigh and myself. And my prayer moving forward is that our sweet Waverleigh (who I’ve nicknamed Warrior Waverleigh) will be a testament of faith and completely amaze the Dr’s and nurses with her strength.

The image God has given me about this time in the hospital is that it is a greenhouse. The purpose of greenhouses is for plants to be able to grow and thrive no matter the conditions that are around it. This time is not wasted – it is precious and purposeful. God has shielded me from conditions that would harm Waverleigh and myself. He has set me in this place to grow our sweet girl, regardless of what storms around her. Greenhouses don’t depend on care from nature, but thrive on the detailed care of the gardener. God is growing faithfulness inside my womb and allowing the world to see Him making a way.