Fighting Like a Mom

I once had the incredible opportunity to hear Joyce Meyers speak live and as she was talking about her own struggles in life she told us what God had spoken to her in those moments,

"You can be a victor or a victim - but you cannot be both"

Woah. Talk about a sucker punch to the gut of your pride and selfishness. 

A few years ago I studied the words victor and victim because I was curious what the root of the words were since they were so similar in spelling but very different in meaning. 

Vict = comes from the Latin word meaning "conquer". 
Victor = a person that defeats an enemy, or conquers what is overtaking them.
Victim = a person that is overcome by what is overtaking them.

So you can conquer what is against you or you can let it conquer you - but you cannot stay in the middle. 

In the past two months I have had my world completely turned upside down with an unexpected, lengthy hospital stay where I was poked and prodded and treated like a fragile science experiment.
I have had an unexpected major surgery and the recovery process that follows. 
I have had to visit my own child on a daily basis in the hospital and had to ask permission to do normal things like feed her, change her, hold her, etc. 
So it is easy to see why my own mind would want to walk in the victim category. I mean, I deserve to be a victim here. 

In the midst of all of this chaos I have been seeking God for peace and clear direction in how to get up each day and do what needs to be done. Honestly, I just want to rest like a normal person who just had major surgery and hold my sweet girl all day while watching Gilmore Girls. 

God has taken me to the book of Joshua to study the "battle" of Jericho (insert Veggie Tales "Keep Walking" song). Although my mind thinks of this story as a children's story where there are green peas on the walls that are making fun of the vegetables walking around each day and try to throw slushies on them, God showed me my own story in there. 

I have felt the need to be in multiple places at one time and strive strive strive. If I am at the hospital taking care of Waverleigh, I am not at home spending time with Farryn and Phillip. If I am at home, then I am not at the hospital. A whole lot of mom guilt and tired striving has been taking place. 

What God showed me in Joshua is that He gave them clear instructions about what to do each day, march around the city ONCE a day for 6 days and on the seventh day walk around 7 times. 

Did God ask them to walk around the city all day, every day until something happened? No. Once a day - then they went back to their camp and rested. Did God ask them to take down the walls themselves? No. He did that for them after their act of faith and walking in obedience. Literally walking in obedience. 

So here is what I have been holding onto and what has brought me peace - I just have to keep doing one more lap each day while God fights the battle. He could have taken down those walls on the first day, but He wanted to see if they would walk in obedience and trust Him. The Israelite's could have stopped on the 6th lap on that seventh day because they didn't see anything happening. But they took one more lap around the walls. 

I find peace knowing that each day I just need to get up and do what is in front of me, walking in faith that God is fighting my battles. He is fighting for me in the unseen and I am a victor.