"In sickness and in health..": God's work in all circumstances.
So for all you Fine Arts people, you know what time of the year it is - state! Today as many of you back home are presenting these things you've been working on for months and as you anxiously await your performance time, I pray that you will all remember who you are doing it all for. This being the first year in 394739 years that I haven't done Fine Arts (because I'm too old now..*sigh*..) I began to remember what God did last year in my life during state...and I want to share it with you.
The next day I woke-up getting ready for school and I honestly could barely move. I had never felt so awful in my life, so I asked Mom if I could stay home and get better. Little did I know that I was only going to get worse. That night my throat was killing me and my entire body was aching. The normal loss of voice started to happen along with a fever and all the other lovely symptoms of something you didn't want to face. By Tuesday I felt horrible and had to miss final run-throughs and felt so bad for letting my groups down. Tuesday night before I went to bed Mom and Dad were praying for me and I
literally broke-down crying because of how bad I was feeling and how I knew it was almost impossible for me to get better before Saturday.
After a lot of prayer and thinking, I began to change my perspective of the circumstances. I began "mouthing" (because I couldn't sing) songs of healing and speaking healing verses over myself. I would constantly pray "God, only You know the outcome of my circumstances, so please do whatever You want to do. If You don't want me to compete Saturday, then help me to be okay with that". After a lot of cranberry juice and hot tea, I began to feel 3% better...still I couldn't speak and still I was very weak. On Friday (the day before! ah!) I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. I had missed all the practices all week and still couldn't make it to the final practice on Friday night. My amazing friends that were in my small drama came over Friday evening and we did a "whisper" run-through of our drama. Still, I didn't feel like God was telling me not to compete and still I didn't feel even 50% better. What to do?!?
Friday night, I packed my bags with all my outfit changes and took my meds and went to bed super early. When I woke up around 6am Saturday, I still felt awful, but I went ahead getting ready for the day. Our human video group had to have an early practice because I had missed all of them, and even going through it once was too much for me - i was out of breath and had to sit down. If I couldn't run through it once, how was I going to get through that day? Oh how I prayed, like never before. How was I going to sing?? I still didn't have my voice back! Prayer prayer prayer.
I got through my human video, I got through my drama, next up...vocal solo. The crazy thing is I wasn't nervous at all, because I knew that at that direct moment it was in no way me who was singing because my flesh had no voice. When I got up there and actual singing came out of my mouth - I knew that was God singing through me, completely. There were times in the song when I was so out of breath I didn't know if I could finish it...but despite everything, I did. Despite everything, I got through my songwriting - which I hadn't been able to practice in over a week. Despite everything I got through that entire day. Despite everything, I scored high enough to make it to nationals...in EVERY category. Despite my flesh, despite my doubt, my mustard seed faith was enough for God to work with and He upheld me.
So did God ever reveal to me why I had gotten sick? OH did He ever. It wasn't about me getting sick and then Him healing me just in the nick time. I knew He had the power to heal me, but He wanted to show me something different - something more powerful. In the midst of being completely sick and weak, He wanted to show me how much He cared enough for me to carry me, in all my weakness and doubt. God showed me how nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible for Him. Nothing can stop His plans, no sickness or circumstances, because He is able to do more than we could ever imagine if we will only have faith to trust Him. I had no idea that Saturday morning why I was getting up and still going to try and compete, but I had faith that He was up to something.
There are so many times now when I have a mountain to face and I think back to that Saturday. I'm reassured now, more than ever, that there's nothing I can't face with Him holding my hand. Even when I don't have a voice, if I walk on stage and put the mic to my mouth - He will sing through me. Even when you can't, when you're flesh fails you - He can. He will, if you will let Him.
Video of Fine Arts <--- Last year's female vocal
Months and months of preparation went into last year, it was my senior year so I had to do many categories and give it my all. By the time February rolled around I had a killer human video, hilariously witty small drama (written and performed by two of my best friends and I), female vocal solo, songwriting solo, and of course choir. This was the first year I felt completely confident in all categories and I was stoked to perform them. The Sunday before we had a run-through of everything and it all went extremely well. Ohh the calm before the storm.
The next day I woke-up getting ready for school and I honestly could barely move. I had never felt so awful in my life, so I asked Mom if I could stay home and get better. Little did I know that I was only going to get worse. That night my throat was killing me and my entire body was aching. The normal loss of voice started to happen along with a fever and all the other lovely symptoms of something you didn't want to face. By Tuesday I felt horrible and had to miss final run-throughs and felt so bad for letting my groups down. Tuesday night before I went to bed Mom and Dad were praying for me and I
literally broke-down crying because of how bad I was feeling and how I knew it was almost impossible for me to get better before Saturday. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Wednesday I woke up and could NOT talk. I couldn't speak a word. Nothing. I didn't just "lose my voice" like people say, I actually LOST it. Of course I started crying again because I was so upset. So here it is Wednesday and I have the flu and laryngitis and I'm suppose to be competing Saturday. You can only imagine the types of conversations I was having with God, completely frustrated and at a loss for understanding. Crying out to God wondering why He allowed this to happen when He knew how hard I had worked for this and how this was my last year. If I didn't compete in state then I wouldn't be able to go to nationals. See God, I need to get better!! Ohh but did He ever have another plan.
After a lot of prayer and thinking, I began to change my perspective of the circumstances. I began "mouthing" (because I couldn't sing) songs of healing and speaking healing verses over myself. I would constantly pray "God, only You know the outcome of my circumstances, so please do whatever You want to do. If You don't want me to compete Saturday, then help me to be okay with that". After a lot of cranberry juice and hot tea, I began to feel 3% better...still I couldn't speak and still I was very weak. On Friday (the day before! ah!) I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. I had missed all the practices all week and still couldn't make it to the final practice on Friday night. My amazing friends that were in my small drama came over Friday evening and we did a "whisper" run-through of our drama. Still, I didn't feel like God was telling me not to compete and still I didn't feel even 50% better. What to do?!?
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9
Friday night, I packed my bags with all my outfit changes and took my meds and went to bed super early. When I woke up around 6am Saturday, I still felt awful, but I went ahead getting ready for the day. Our human video group had to have an early practice because I had missed all of them, and even going through it once was too much for me - i was out of breath and had to sit down. If I couldn't run through it once, how was I going to get through that day? Oh how I prayed, like never before. How was I going to sing?? I still didn't have my voice back! Prayer prayer prayer.
I got through my human video, I got through my drama, next up...vocal solo. The crazy thing is I wasn't nervous at all, because I knew that at that direct moment it was in no way me who was singing because my flesh had no voice. When I got up there and actual singing came out of my mouth - I knew that was God singing through me, completely. There were times in the song when I was so out of breath I didn't know if I could finish it...but despite everything, I did. Despite everything, I got through my songwriting - which I hadn't been able to practice in over a week. Despite everything I got through that entire day. Despite everything, I scored high enough to make it to nationals...in EVERY category. Despite my flesh, despite my doubt, my mustard seed faith was enough for God to work with and He upheld me.
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." - Heb. 10:39
So did God ever reveal to me why I had gotten sick? OH did He ever. It wasn't about me getting sick and then Him healing me just in the nick time. I knew He had the power to heal me, but He wanted to show me something different - something more powerful. In the midst of being completely sick and weak, He wanted to show me how much He cared enough for me to carry me, in all my weakness and doubt. God showed me how nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible for Him. Nothing can stop His plans, no sickness or circumstances, because He is able to do more than we could ever imagine if we will only have faith to trust Him. I had no idea that Saturday morning why I was getting up and still going to try and compete, but I had faith that He was up to something.
There are so many times now when I have a mountain to face and I think back to that Saturday. I'm reassured now, more than ever, that there's nothing I can't face with Him holding my hand. Even when I don't have a voice, if I walk on stage and put the mic to my mouth - He will sing through me. Even when you can't, when you're flesh fails you - He can. He will, if you will let Him.
"I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that You have come now, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me who You are." - Kari Jobe ("You are for Me")
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." - Eph. 3: 20
Video of Fine Arts <--- Last year's female vocal
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