The "When Harry Met Sally" myths.
Happy Wednesday everyone! I thought that we could use the middle of the week to dive into the hardest relationship subject in most people's lives. We're gonna put "hump day" to good use and get over this issue, together.
To begin, let me tell you of a conversation I heard recently:
Girl 1: Why were you up so late?
Girl 2: Well, there's this guy and we've been talking. He is the SWEETEST guy I've ever talked to! So, we talked until like 1am and then I did my homework. Ha.
Girl1: That's awesome! Maybe, he's different from all the other guys you've talked to. Where'd you meet him?
Girl2: We've never met, but I don't really care because we click so well and he's just so sweet! Like on facebook chat, instead of just getting off and saying "bye"...he actually gives me an excuse like " Gotta run, but stay on because I'll be back in a few hours!". Isn't that just so sweet??We're just friends now but I think I could talk to him and possibly date him for a long time.
Okay, I won't rip this conversation apart like I would if one of my friends told me that in reference to a guy they were talking to. But hopefully each of us would know better than to think a guy was the "sweetest" guy we've ever talked to and someone "different" just because he can facebook chat well. We don't though. We fall for the words of affirmation, we fall for the songs they send us to listen to, we dive deep into the spiritual advice they give us (ouch...yes, but it's true). But the thing about facebook chat is that it messes up about 34973497million times during 1 conversation and then you lose what they said and then there's a miscommunication and then there's an awkward moment. Yep, it's happened to everyone. Why am I rambling on about horribly connected facebook chat? Because facebook chat is how our "just friends" relationships with the opposite sex turn out.
Whattt?? Yeah, I know that analogy was a little odd..but I'll explain. First of all, we text WAY too much! It's amazing what happens when you don't have the constant need to text someone in order to feel like you're admired or needed. But texting/facebook chat/ and ...for you old schoolers..AIM (ha!) is the open door to guy-girl relationships. It's easy and requires practically no pressure to just have hours of conversations and easily get to know someone. But at some point or another someone is going to have a bad day and need a little pick-me-up and as we learned yesterday, WHO do you run to? Well, if you run to that guy friend in need of some attention then the
affection they show you can EASILY become skewed in your mind. And girls, you know when that guy says he's just "no good" at something, you are the first to jump in there and say "No you're not! You're completely awesome!!". What are you're motives behind boosting his ego like that? Friendship? JUST friendship?
"Am I trying to show genuine appreciation for this guy, or do I have a hidden agenda? Am I simply fishing for a compliment to get my own ego fed?....Could this expression be misinterpreted?....Could this expression of affection be interpreted as seductive, or does it reflect godly character?" - Every Young Women's Battle (Ethridge&Arterburn)
In the facebook chat scenario, this is the part where you're connection starts messing up which leads to one or both people talking to say "What did you just say?". Miscommunication. This is the part of your friendship where you start to say "What are WE?" and this can lead to girls AND guys becoming frustrated. This is where you are just friends...with emotional benefits.
Yes, I said it. The best kept secret is the one deemed harmless. Dependency on someone of the opposite sex to be there for you, to comfort you, make you laugh, and to hang out with. Many would think: oh, so you're dating? Are you dating them, huh? Because if you aren't then you shouldn't be talking 400billion times a day. H
ere's the thing, if you are going to date someone then by all means date them! But don't get you're heart all attached to someone and get around the whole dating thing by calling it friendship. Other people may pretend to except that explanation for why you are spending so much time with a guy, but capital Y-o-u knows where you're heart lies in the matter.
"All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart." -Prov. 21:2
I am NOT condemning you for becoming attracted to your male friends. Not at all. We're in the same boat, remember? What I am saying is to be extremely careful how close you get to them. If you're intentions are to be friends with someone so you can date them, then go forth. But if you're intentions are to be just friends, then be a true friend and protect both of your hearts in the process.
"True friends will always lift you higher and challenge you to walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord." -Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry (Bevere)
Protect that guy's heart by not guiding those conversations to how you look or to telling you what a beautiful girl you are. If you are going to be a friend to him and keep his focus pure, then don't go there. Also, most importantly, be VERY careful about your spiritual conversations with the opposite sex or praying just with them. Those are things that shouldn't go deeper than surface levels with the opposite sex until you are married, because your attachment to them becomes something spiritual and something potentially painful to break off. Use discretion.
"Wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you." - Prov. 2:10-11
YOU are worth more than getting hurt through an attachment to a "friend" through facebook chat/texts/etc. Once you awaken love it is almost impossible to allow it to sleep again, and that can be positive or negative. If you are awakening your love for God then you can rest assured that it will remain awake as long as you feed the flame, and if you are awakening a love for a guy or girl, then it will remain long after your relationship with them ends and that could be devastating.
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" - Song of Songs 8:4
Don't get caught up in the friends-with-emotional-benefits thing, honor God by protecting your heart and your friend's heart. If you are called to be single in this time in your life, then be single! Eph. 4:1 says to live a life worthy of the calling that has been placed on your life, so when you are in season where you're called to be single then you are honoring God by being single.
P.S "Wallflower" - Laura Woodley Osman. http://www.myspace.com
/danosmanandlaurawoodley
P.P.S This is BEYOND interesting, check it out. Modesty Survery
To begin, let me tell you of a conversation I heard recently:
Girl 1: Why were you up so late?
Girl 2: Well, there's this guy and we've been talking. He is the SWEETEST guy I've ever talked to! So, we talked until like 1am and then I did my homework. Ha.
Girl1: That's awesome! Maybe, he's different from all the other guys you've talked to. Where'd you meet him?
Girl2: We've never met, but I don't really care because we click so well and he's just so sweet! Like on facebook chat, instead of just getting off and saying "bye"...he actually gives me an excuse like " Gotta run, but stay on because I'll be back in a few hours!". Isn't that just so sweet??We're just friends now but I think I could talk to him and possibly date him for a long time.
Okay, I won't rip this conversation apart like I would if one of my friends told me that in reference to a guy they were talking to. But hopefully each of us would know better than to think a guy was the "sweetest" guy we've ever talked to and someone "different" just because he can facebook chat well. We don't though. We fall for the words of affirmation, we fall for the songs they send us to listen to, we dive deep into the spiritual advice they give us (ouch...yes, but it's true). But the thing about facebook chat is that it messes up about 34973497million times during 1 conversation and then you lose what they said and then there's a miscommunication and then there's an awkward moment. Yep, it's happened to everyone. Why am I rambling on about horribly connected facebook chat? Because facebook chat is how our "just friends" relationships with the opposite sex turn out.
Whattt?? Yeah, I know that analogy was a little odd..but I'll explain. First of all, we text WAY too much! It's amazing what happens when you don't have the constant need to text someone in order to feel like you're admired or needed. But texting/facebook chat/ and ...for you old schoolers..AIM (ha!) is the open door to guy-girl relationships. It's easy and requires practically no pressure to just have hours of conversations and easily get to know someone. But at some point or another someone is going to have a bad day and need a little pick-me-up and as we learned yesterday, WHO do you run to? Well, if you run to that guy friend in need of some attention then the
affection they show you can EASILY become skewed in your mind. And girls, you know when that guy says he's just "no good" at something, you are the first to jump in there and say "No you're not! You're completely awesome!!". What are you're motives behind boosting his ego like that? Friendship? JUST friendship?"Am I trying to show genuine appreciation for this guy, or do I have a hidden agenda? Am I simply fishing for a compliment to get my own ego fed?....Could this expression be misinterpreted?....Could this expression of affection be interpreted as seductive, or does it reflect godly character?" - Every Young Women's Battle (Ethridge&Arterburn)
In the facebook chat scenario, this is the part where you're connection starts messing up which leads to one or both people talking to say "What did you just say?". Miscommunication. This is the part of your friendship where you start to say "What are WE?" and this can lead to girls AND guys becoming frustrated. This is where you are just friends...with emotional benefits.
Yes, I said it. The best kept secret is the one deemed harmless. Dependency on someone of the opposite sex to be there for you, to comfort you, make you laugh, and to hang out with. Many would think: oh, so you're dating? Are you dating them, huh? Because if you aren't then you shouldn't be talking 400billion times a day. H
ere's the thing, if you are going to date someone then by all means date them! But don't get you're heart all attached to someone and get around the whole dating thing by calling it friendship. Other people may pretend to except that explanation for why you are spending so much time with a guy, but capital Y-o-u knows where you're heart lies in the matter. "All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart." -Prov. 21:2
I am NOT condemning you for becoming attracted to your male friends. Not at all. We're in the same boat, remember? What I am saying is to be extremely careful how close you get to them. If you're intentions are to be friends with someone so you can date them, then go forth. But if you're intentions are to be just friends, then be a true friend and protect both of your hearts in the process.
"True friends will always lift you higher and challenge you to walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord." -Kissed the Girls and Made them Cry (Bevere)
Protect that guy's heart by not guiding those conversations to how you look or to telling you what a beautiful girl you are. If you are going to be a friend to him and keep his focus pure, then don't go there. Also, most importantly, be VERY careful about your spiritual conversations with the opposite sex or praying just with them. Those are things that shouldn't go deeper than surface levels with the opposite sex until you are married, because your attachment to them becomes something spiritual and something potentially painful to break off. Use discretion.
"Wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you." - Prov. 2:10-11
YOU are worth more than getting hurt through an attachment to a "friend" through facebook chat/texts/etc. Once you awaken love it is almost impossible to allow it to sleep again, and that can be positive or negative. If you are awakening your love for God then you can rest assured that it will remain awake as long as you feed the flame, and if you are awakening a love for a guy or girl, then it will remain long after your relationship with them ends and that could be devastating.
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" - Song of Songs 8:4
Don't get caught up in the friends-with-emotional-benefits thing, honor God by protecting your heart and your friend's heart. If you are called to be single in this time in your life, then be single! Eph. 4:1 says to live a life worthy of the calling that has been placed on your life, so when you are in season where you're called to be single then you are honoring God by being single.
P.S "Wallflower" - Laura Woodley Osman. http://www.myspace.com
/danosmanandlaurawoodley
P.P.S This is BEYOND interesting, check it out. Modesty Survery
Comments
Post a Comment